Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
