Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize