Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
