Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
