oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
