Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
