Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
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