omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
