sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
