I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
