i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
