We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My penis needs a shock collar
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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