i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Houston, we have a squirter
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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