Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
