i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
