my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
nutella sex= disaster
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
