last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dicks are not precious.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
