Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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