Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she peed on how many people?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
