woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
