It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Two words: blizzard sex
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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