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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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