shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
