It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
