he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
