I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
