I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
