420 ftw
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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