I love black thongs
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize