If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize