No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
