If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
