I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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