you guys were way drunker than both of me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
