I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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