First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
