Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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