remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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