so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
