I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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