He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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