I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize