i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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