I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
third nipple confirmed
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
