I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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