I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
