haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
