we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
