be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
