Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
