It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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