So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
