Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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