I'm so fucking centered right now
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Congratulations! We have a period
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