Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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