Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dignity is for republicans.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
