im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
