I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
