We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
