I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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