oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
