the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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