i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
