Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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