just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
whose parrot is this?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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