last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
