Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
