Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
