I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
