Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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