You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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