I haven't been this sober since birth.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
