Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
