ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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