Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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