The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
