I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What drink are we having for lunch?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
