She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
