There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
