Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Best friends brother. Beat that.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
