I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
