Three words: puerto rican gang bang
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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