I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
there was a trapeze. enough said
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
