so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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