We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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