I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
