Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
