I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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