Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Drunk is not a location!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
