And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
