Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
