i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
