Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
