So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
