just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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