I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize