We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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