i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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