you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize