Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
