are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
